How last week you snuck cigarettes in the woods in high school; yesterday you were in your college apartment insisting to your roommates that wrapping spices in paper towels and hitting them with a hammer was basically the same as having a mortar and pestle so couldn’t we spend the money on extra vodka for the housewarming instead? Now you have an accountant and a lawyer. You are older than your parents were when you were born. You have shushed young people on the subway. They are making sequels to the sequels they already made to your childhood’s iteration of Star Wars. How being young seemed like a ship sailing into what looked like an endless horizon until suddenly you’d run aground in stronger currents near the opposite shore.
Anonymous said: What were your kids almost called?
Well we actually waited until we saw the twins to choose names and didn’t commit until a full day plus afterwards. Other names we liked were Prudence, Jude, Lucy, Floyd..and I can’t even really remember! It seems like it was so incredibly long ago.
Charlie was pretty much going to be Charlie or Charles from the get go.
Don’t wait until you’re old and your body is falling apart to try to have kids. Don’t put it off because you’re waiting for the perfect job, the perfect salary, the perfect house, the perfect life. The perfect time to have a kid doesn’t exist, but in waiting for it to come, you may end up with no…
Strongly cosigned. I couldn’t agree more. Those who follow me know I didn’t meet my husband until I was almost 30. We started trying to have a baby as soon as we got married and 7 miscarriages, 1 failed IVF cycle and 1 cryo-cycle currently underway we have just the one child. I had no other option than to wait - and going through all of that was the single toughest hurdle of my life (and I’m a recovering alcoholic so I know hard times). All I can offer is my experience which results in my advice being not to wait to start your family. Do it while you are young - you’ll have more energy to raise your kid(s) and more time for treatment if that’s the path life takes you down.
If you wait YOU WILL NEED MEDICAL INTERVENTION. And the scary thing is, I saw so many women in their 20’s in my RE’s waiting room crying their eyes out too. Don’t believe the hype. It’s a miracle anyone gets pregnant ever, really.
The only thing good about waiting - is you may be in a place in your life that you can pay for the seemingly endless rounds of IVF. However, fertility treatments are very expensive! Up to $10,000 PER cycle just for the meds. Yep. TEN GRAND. And some clinics are very happy to take your money with no guaranteed results. I went through 2 until I was referred to a third who was honest enough to tell me up front I was old and my eggs were crap and I needed to go the DE route. Yes, I was the lucky one whose DE transfer took the first time and I got the so-called “million dollar family”. But I also just took a loan out against my retirement plan to pay off the credit cards I maxed out getting here. Please do not wait. There will be regrets.
One more sorta related thought on this - I was a little girl in the 80’s, the decade of ME where I was taught that I would be able to grow up and “have it all”: the high powered career, the perfect family, money, and a massive closet filled with shoulder padded power suits. And that, friends, is a lie. When you focus on one area, the rest are going to have to sacrifice something. But it’s malleable - it’s ever changing. And biology comes into play when one of those focuses is having children.
Sorry, Charlie, I don’t make the rules and your 42 year old body isn’t gonna shoot out a kid as easily as it would have when you were 25, if it’s even able to (unlikely, even with assisted reproduction technologies). Everyone has an aunt who had twins at 40 (hell, I have 2 aunts that did), but they are the exception, the outliers. Not to mention again (as it is above) IVF, FET, IUI and all those other acronyms (as well as adoption) are outrageously expensive - even when you do have insurance coverage.
I don’t want a power suit. I’m happy as a worker bee. My focus is on my family & friends, my limited work responsibilities and trying to maintain a spiritual life of some sort. And I’m a-ok with that. Let’s just not tell our daughters and sons they can “have it all” anymore, it’s doing them a disservice. Let’s be honest - you can build great things in your life, but pick your focus at any given time and know that the other stuff will take backseat at that point in time.
Please learn from us veterans and consider our stories.
Ok. I get this, but I also get the other side as well. I got married fairly young, 22, and got pregnant right away. Then miscarried, then got pregnant at 23 and miscarried again. Then got pregnant at 24 and miscarried again. I had my twins via fertility treatments when I was 27, which IMO is still youngish (even if I feel old as hell now 2 years later). I would never ever ever ever wish that on anyone else, but now when I look back I see years that I got to spend doing things with my husband that I will most likely not get to again until I am 40 and totally burnt out from having 3 kids (oh yeah, I had another one in there). EXCEPT for the years where I was all consumed with having a baby, those are dark sad years that I don’t get to have back and spend that time enjoying uninterrupted time with my husband.
So yes, know that if you wait to have kids you should probably be saving up to do some form of ART (and also cutting out dairy because that shit is FULL of birth control crap type hormones they feed the cows to keep them lactating), but all that stuff happened to me when I was still really young so don’t feel like it always happens to people BECAUSE they wait.
IDK, I guess I’m just saying that waiting isn’t bad (although let me tell you I am fucking exhausted and I can’t imagine having another baby in a few years). Not waiting is also not bad, if you pop out those kids young young you will actually still be young when you get some sort of freedom/uninterrupted time with your SO. Whatever decision you make, and whatever sort of reproductive fate befalls you, try to remember to enjoy your time with your SO. IDK about you guys, but now with 3 kids in the house I feel like I’m gonna kill mine.