You guys I think that I have the plague or something. So sick.
How am I going to make it through the night?
Head hurts. Neck hurts. Throat hurts.
Whyyyy?
Baby Hazel Grey: 4 month old sleep -
Ugh my twins don’t sleep all that well but After reading The No Cry Sleep Solution I he them to go to sleep easier, just staying that way is a problem. What has helped us a lot is having a set wake up time of 7:30 for them. Then they nap once or twice if I’m lucky and are pooped and ready for bed by 7:30! Oh and I don’t let them nap later than 4:30. They both wake up to nurse constantly though so its not like I’m getting any sleep even with an earlier bed time.Those of you with 4-ish month olds, what is your babies sleep schedule like? I’m really trying to work out something where she goes to bed between 6-8pm but I’m just not sure how to do it.
Our current “schedule” (I Use that loosely because it can vary) is sorta like this
9 am - wake up
1030 to…
In no particular order of importance. I also didn’t really take this in a romantical sense.
8. Take the babies into the living room
and give them a bottle so I can sleep on Sunday morning.
7. See’s Candy Nut and Chew box.
6. Recognize the fact that I am right 89% of the time and then make me feel right the rest of the time.
5. Don’t assume that because I’m Native I am related to all other Native people and should therefore know all aspects of the US Native cultures and history. No, I don’t know if you are eligible for grants or scholarships.
4. Compliment my shoes. I have spent my children’s college monies on them.
3. Follow through. If you say that your are going to do something, do it.
2. Sing in the car with me.
1. Be excited.
Prayers for Mothers of Daughters -
First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.
May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the the Beauty.
When the Crystal Meth is offered,
May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half
And stick with Beer.
Guide her, protect her
When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the nearby subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock N’ Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.
Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance.
Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes
And not have to wear high heels.
What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You because if I knew, I’d be doing it.
May she play the drums to the fiery rhythm of her own heart with the sinewy strength of her own arms, so she need not Lie With Drummers.
Grant her a rough patch from twelve to seventeen.
Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long,
For Childhood is short — a Tiger Flower blooming magenta for one day –
And Adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.
O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers and the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.
And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister,
Give me the strength to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends,
For I will not have that shit, Lord, I will not have it.
And should she choose to be a mother one day, be my eyes, Lord,
That I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 a.m., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.
“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck.
“My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a mental note to call me. And she will forget.
But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.
Amen.
I need this in a frame!
Stick with the beer. Dry humping can wait.
Sweet big sister. (Taken with instagram)
Sweet little brother. (Taken with instagram)
Patience booted the pacifier.
Poor babies are having a hard time sleeping tonight.
I’ll enjoy the snuggles, but tomorrow is going to suck.
I woke up for hot yoga, but got cancelled on so I went to the gym instead. I don’t know how much longer that is going to last though since I am so flipping tired. I’m not sleeping at home though, so there isn’t a whole lot of difference. Also, Chad says that the babies wake up and cry the instant that I walk out the door, and you know, apparently I am the only one who can keep them both from crying at the same time.
No matter how much I looked I couldn’t find a pair of control top undies. I am wondering if the sock gnome also has a penchant for shape wear?
Oh, when I got home from the gym the backs of my sneakers were covered in blood. So I’ve got big raw spots on the back of my feet.
I was late to work because I couldn’t stop playing with the babies, they are in the best mood around 8 am.
I am going to have Vietnamese food for lunch.
Also, I managed to get most of my actual work done already so be prepared for pointless posts such as the one you have just finished reading.
[video]
Made it to the gym.
9. I have an auto immune disorder that messes with my white blood cells. A PA snapped at my husband when he told her that I was too sick all the time for something to not be wrong, then after a biopsy and tons of blood work turns out that he was right.
8. I have two beautiful sweet babies names Patience and Cash. It took 3 m/c and infertility treatments to get them, but I know in my heart that these are the babies that I waited for.
7. I am absolutely horrible at parking my car. The worst. It’s not because I am female though, so don’t even go there. It is because I am bad at parking.
6. My dad started a 2nd family without letting his 1st one know that he was done with us.
5. I am SO over breastfeeding and really wish that I liked it more! I mean sometimes when it is just me and one twin I feel all in love with nature and empowered as a mother. Most of the time I am just doing it because it is so good for them and because I know that they like it.
4. I keep going to bed at 9 pm but lay in bed wishing that I could sleep until almost 11, by then it is almost time to start with the every 1.5 hour wake ups.
3. I love Disneyland! So much so that I got married at the Disneyland Hotel Rose Garden and had the reception at the Grand Californian.
2. About a month or so after the twins were born my little old lady dog started peeing on the carpet in our bathroom. It. Is. So. Gross. I think that we are going to pull the carpet up this weekend.
1. I was supposed to go to hot yoga this morning but for the 3rd time it didn’t work out. So now I am laying in bed typing when I could be getting dressed to go to the regular gym.
These have been listed in no particular order of importance.
Indecision clouds my vision, no one listens...: It really annoys me when people use FML flippantly. -
I’m looking at you Facebook -_-Seriously? Fuck your life? Why?
Oh no. It’s raining. FML.
Oh no. The traffic is shit. FML.
Oh no. I had to do something not entirely pleasant at work today. FML.Ok. You have a job, you have a car. Your children are healthy. You’re healthy. You have it so good!
Think of other people who…
Ha! This!