Hey, everybody. I’ve sporadically chronicled the production of the film More Than Stars, which I wrote and is loosely based in our struggle with fertility. The film is currently being submitted to festivals and it now has a Facebook page. (I just discovered it also has a regular website,…
Since whenever my husband uses his fancy camera to take pictures it is a big deal to make the picture usable.. They are nice photos though.
I have been spending a lot of time thinking about far away the whole IVF process seems. It seems as if though much more time than 6 months has passed. Here are a two posts from the days directly after our transfer:
It feels so bizarre when I think about how slowly time ticked by during the month of May, time went slower than molasses all the way up until about 15 weeks, when we got the all clear after the small hemorrhage that I developed. Now it feels as though time is moving at warp speed and the next thing I know I’ll be sending 18 year olds to college.
Recently I have seen some updates from wonderful women who are not receiving the results that they deserve. You are all in my mind and heart and I am still sending good wishes and positive vibes your ways. I don’t know why some people are forced down longer paths when we all just want to reach the same destination, but I know that it is with strength, love, and perseverance that we will arrive.
xoxo- Piggy Von Ninja
I have posted about these “infertility bracelets” before… I still wear mine.
There is only a few days left of our August “Fertility Hope” Giveaway. Not too many of you have entered :( However I would love to make the most of the last few days before we choose a winner - If you or someone you know is TTC please reblog this or send them to the link below! :)
It’s a love thing ‘Fertility Hope’ giveaway!
lovepaloma replied to your post: Yesterday I did something that I have not done in years…
good to hear u are feeling better. question- why did you choose 2 embryos over 1? I’ve been reading on the controversy that most implant 2 when statistically chances of one are successful. am I off base? I value your input…IVF cycle #1 coming soon
My husband actually did a lot of the research during our whole IVF process and spoke with the doctor about the differences between choosing one embryo or two. I honestly was a little detached at that point and felt like nothing was ever going to work ever. What I do remember hearing them discuss was the fact that different areas of the United States follow different trends when choosing the number. Where we live (So Cal) using 2 embryos is the most common practice and we had some personal friends that had just had success using two, as well as a few couples that used two years ago and had success. I do know that there is a large clinic in the mid west that is really pushing using one embryo right now, and I can’t see anything negative about their program. I also know that in So Cal some people choose to use more than two- which our doctor was staunch against (no octomom results please).
We ended up going with everything that our doctor recommended because when comparing his success rates with other relatively close clinics his numbers of successful outcomes were slightly higher. Slightly isn’t much but it really counts if you feel like you might fall into that extra 3-5%.. but we still prepaid to get the deal on two rounds in case it didn’t work. I guess ultimately though, we went with two not because of any statistics that my husband read about.. it was because we didn’t know anybody who had been successful using one embryo.
The only thing that really worried me about using two embryos was the small chance that both would implant and one would split resulting in a triple pregnancy. In that case most of the doctors that we looked at recommended “selective reduction” and that was something that I knew I would have an impossible time with. It was odd because I was certain that I would end up with either a negative result or triplets and a horrible decision. Now here I am pregnant with twins- something that never even seemed like a possibility, but ended up being the amazing and unexpected outcome.
Just woke io from a nap a while ago, went to the bathroom, and the bleeding is back. I say bleeding because it was actually slightly more than spotting at first, but has slowed down already.
I heard back from the doctor right away and she wants me to do full on couch potato bed rest throughout the weekend, and to let her know if the bleeding gets any worse or if I develop cramps.
I had a quick sob session after I hung up with her- this is so frusterating! I’m 12 weeks today and have been looking so forward to reaching my safe zone. I’ve seen shadows of these babie’s faces and their tiny fingers- they are mine and belong to me in a way that no other of my pregnancies even touched.
Then I realized that freaking out and getting my heart rate going isn’t going to help anything. I have no cramping or back pain, the bleeding slowed immediately, I just went off the progesterone shots Tuesday, and I am taking a baby aspirin every morning to avoid clotting problems. There are reasons other than miscarriage that can be causing this. I just have to try and relax and stay positive.
Feel free to post lots of funnies and cute gigs to cheer me up.
luvin30 replied to your post: Today is a milestone…
Very nicely said. My bitterness gets the best of me during certain days, but staying positive is really the best way to go. Glad you are doing so well!
Yeah its tough to not let negativity get the best of you! I’ve been flipping back and forth for 4 years.. and when I let myself get down, I was reaaally down and let my relationship with my husband suffer. Being that way really didn’t help me get what I wanted any faster (hind sights 20/20).
I am keeping up with your blog and I am thinking of you this month! Fingers crossed! Also- you are ah-maze-ing for going 30 days with no shopping!
Today marks the longest that I have been pregnant without being told that something was “off” or “not ideal”. I have had no spotting or cramping at all. Although what I have been feeling is an achey pain in my uterus & lower back area, which earlier this week my doctor said were normal stretching sensations. They were actually pretty painful yesterday and now today my lower stomach is swelling out a little more. It’s a great summer beer belly look.
Yesterday evening my real life IVF twin buddy let me know that her older sister, who conceived twins au’ natural, went into labor 8 weeks early. This morning I was informed that she delivered 2 baby boys weighing in around 2.5 lbs each. They will have to stay in the NICU until they reach their goal weight, but the tiny guys are doing fine. This news has served to remind me that while it is hard to not be bitter that some women are lucky enough to conceive for the cost of a bottle of wine- it is best not to be. Who knows the worries and troubles that will assault their pregnancy journey? The love she feels for her babies is not any less than the love that I feel for mine because they were easier to get. She and her husband must have been absolutely terrified. 8 weeks early! My mother in law delivered a baby only 4 weeks early and lost her in a days time…
Every time I start to fall back into the my old jealous and self pity ways of thinking the Universe waves her hands in front of me until I snap out of it. My young and married cousin swiftly got pregnant with her 2nd baby and I was jealous, she miscarried. A friend of mine got pregnant with timed intercourse and Clomid and I felt bad for myself, she miscarried. My girlfriend texted me at work one day saying she was pregnant with twins, i started to cry, and she told me that they had done IVF. Obviously my feelings don’t effect the outcome of other people’s pregnancies- but their pregnancies have definitely effected my feelings and outlook on my own struggles with infertility. At my worst I had become so depressed and bitter, I wouldn’t have given myself a baby, how could I expect the Universe to give me a baby? Or my husband to even want one with me anymore?
I know that as always, my feelings will change everyday. But today, I am just feeling an all around closeness with both fertile and non fertile women. You can’t really tell by passing a woman on the street, the struggles she faced.
I hope everyone has a nice day and is able to stay cool.