So where was I? Oh yeah, my nap! My glorious glorious nap!!!
I fell asleep before the anesthesiologist even had the actual epidural drip hanging, probably because the butt hole packed up and was ready to leave when he realized he forgot it. I was just so tired that as soon as the initial numbing medicine took effect I passed out. It was the best 2 hours of sleep I have ever gotten! It was the longest uninterrupted sleep I had had in weeks! It was sweet sweet release! When I woke up I could feel all the tightness of the contractions but non of the pain, and I was sure that I had dilated a ton more- I just couldn’t figure out why the nurses were still freaking out and watching the monitors like hawks when I was flat on my back, which was what they wanted in the first place.
Ohhhhh! Because I had developed a fever! Almost instantaneously as I received the epi, which was exactly what the husband and I thought would happen- and a big reason why the plan had been to wait until closer to delivery to get it. Greeeeat! Oh and hey, my rib cage started to throb in time with my contractions . Yep. My epidural worked like a charm, for about 3 or 4 hours, which got me to 6 cm. When I told the anesthesiologist that I could completely feel and move my legs the douche said, and I kid you not, “good thing you don’t deliver from your feet”. He did give me a little pep up, that cut the pain level for me though.
Around this time is when my entire labor experience spun completely away from me. My fever was not going down so they wanted to break my water and start pitocin to speed up getting the babies out. Baby girl’s heart rate kept going in and out of distress as well as just dropping off the monitor for minutes at a time, so they wanted to place the internal monitor on/in her head so they could keep an accurate read on her. Seeing as how the epidural was pretty much doing nothing for me at this point I was terrified of the pitocin!
Anyway, around here things get pretty blurry and I remember lots of yelling, crying, and swearing. All by me. I do know that when the doctor went to break my water all she did was touch the bag with her finger and it burst. Laying flat on my back and feeling the contractions was horrible but the hospital staff refused to let me change positions since they believed that I still had a working epidural. Because of this when I felt pressure and felt like I needed to push the nurse man handled my downstairs as if it was numb during a practice push. After that I remember just flat out refusing to push again and demanding that they order a c section (a spinal was welcome at this point). Then when the nurse came back in I remember begging and crying for her not to come near me and please please please could I just have a c section.
Finally after another hour and a half or so of “laboring down” my husband and doula snapped me out of it and got me to do tiny pushes through the contractions to help push baby a lower. When the nurse deemed it time for another practice push I freaked out because I was traumatized by the last time she was down there. Luckily this time all she did was look and say “oh there’s a baby!”. So off to the OR we went…
When we got to the OR the evil evil nurse was getting ready to lug me of the wheel bed and onto the delivery table when I sat up and climbed over by myself. The look on her face as she realized that I had no working epidural was priceless. Ok, tons and tons of women talk about how when it comes time to push it feels good to finally get to do something. To be honest (speaking for myself only) when it came time to push, I was completely terrified and exhausted- by is time I had been in active labor for about 23 hours, my entire birth experience had spun completely away from me (because of compromises that I made), I had been dealing with unpleasant hospital staff, and now they wanted me to push 2 human beings out. Not to mention that I completely understood that the crucial reason for the epidural was delivery time, and I was feeling everything. If I did not have a doula next to me to make eye contact and basically tell me to snap the fuck out of it and pull it together I honestly don’t think I could’ve done it. My husband was pretty great, but he felt bad for me and kept reverting to “poor baby”. My doula looked me straight in the face and told me that I could do it, I had to do it, it was going to be over when I made it over with big hard pushes.
So, I did BIG BIG pushes!
Patience was born at 10:31 pm and Cash was born at 10:36 pm. It took me less than half an hour to push them both out. The doctor did “go in” to position Cash and while it was not pleasant, I was so preoccupied with trying to get a glimpse of Patience with the NICU team that I didn’t really pay attention until it was time to push again.
I found out that when you deliver in the OR (c section or not) the same protocol is always followed, so I didn’t get to hold or touch my babies until after the NICU staff was done. Then they were brought over already swaddled to rub noses with me very briefly. Then Chad and the twins left the OR and the doula stayed behind with me while the doctor took care of all the afterbirth type stuff.
She asked if I wanted to see my placenta, “ummmm… No”.
When I was taken back to our labor room the babies were under the heat lamp and receiving antibiotic injections because of the fever I had had through out the day. My in laws, mother, and best friend were all in the room and got to see/inspect the babies before I did. The nurses finished weighing and measuring Cash first and I finally got to hold him for some skin to skin time and I was SO happy and amazed that this little 6lb miracle was mine. Chad had skin to skin with Patience and watching him hold her made me cry.
So that’s it. That is my birth story. It is long, but it’s honest. I didn’t have a magical spiritual experience. I had a slow labor, made decisions that I wish I could take back, cried and screamed like a baby, and had pretty much nothing go the way I wanted. I know that a lot of women experience sadness/embarrassment after veering from their birth plans… and I probably would too, but I got 2 babies! Nothing is ever going to go the way I plan or want it to ever again! I’m going to mess up and second guess myself everyday. Why not start on the day they were born?