So where was I? Oh yeah, my nap! My glorious glorious nap!!!

I fell asleep before the anesthesiologist even had the actual epidural drip hanging, probably because the butt hole packed up and was ready to leave when he realized he forgot it. I was just so tired that as soon as the initial numbing medicine took effect I passed out. It was the best 2 hours of sleep I have ever gotten! It was the longest uninterrupted sleep I had had in weeks! It was sweet sweet release! When I woke up I could feel all the tightness of the contractions but non of the pain, and I was sure that I had dilated a ton more- I just couldn’t figure out why the nurses were still freaking out and watching the monitors like hawks when I was flat on my back, which was what they wanted in the first place.

Ohhhhh! Because I had developed a fever! Almost instantaneously as I received the epi, which was exactly what the husband and I thought would happen- and a big reason why the plan had been to wait until closer to delivery to get it. Greeeeat! Oh and hey, my rib cage started to throb in time with my contractions . Yep. My epidural worked like a charm, for about 3 or 4 hours, which got me to 6 cm. When I told the anesthesiologist that I could completely feel and move my legs the douche said, and I kid you not, “good thing you don’t deliver from your feet”. He did give me a little pep up, that cut the pain level for me though.

Around this time is when my entire labor experience spun completely away from me. My fever was not going down so they wanted to break my water and start pitocin to speed up getting the babies out. Baby girl’s heart rate kept going in and out of distress as well as just dropping off the monitor for minutes at a time, so they wanted to place the internal monitor on/in her head so they could keep an accurate read on her. Seeing as how the epidural was pretty much doing nothing for me at this point I was terrified of the pitocin!

Anyway, around here things get pretty blurry and I remember lots of yelling, crying, and swearing. All by me. I do know that when the doctor went to break my water all she did was touch the bag with her finger and it burst. Laying flat on my back and feeling the contractions was horrible but the hospital staff refused to let me change positions since they believed that I still had a working epidural. Because of this when I felt pressure and felt like I needed to push the nurse man handled my downstairs as if it was numb during a practice push. After that I remember just flat out refusing to push again and demanding that they order a c section (a spinal was welcome at this point). Then when the nurse came back in I remember begging and crying for her not to come near me and please please please could I just have a c section.

Finally after another hour and a half or so of “laboring down” my husband and doula snapped me out of it and got me to do tiny pushes through the contractions to help push baby a lower. When the nurse deemed it time for another practice push I freaked out because I was traumatized by the last time she was down there. Luckily this time all she did was look and say “oh there’s a baby!”. So off to the OR we went…

When we got to the OR the evil evil nurse was getting ready to lug me of the wheel bed and onto the delivery table when I sat up and climbed over by myself. The look on her face as she realized that I had no working epidural was priceless. Ok, tons and tons of women talk about how when it comes time to push it feels good to finally get to do something. To be honest (speaking for myself only) when it came time to push, I was completely terrified and exhausted- by is time I had been in active labor for about 23 hours, my entire birth experience had spun completely away from me (because of compromises that I made), I had been dealing with unpleasant hospital staff, and now they wanted me to push 2 human beings out. Not to mention that I completely understood that the crucial reason for the epidural was delivery time, and I was feeling everything. If I did not have a doula next to me to make eye contact and basically tell me to snap the fuck out of it and pull it together I honestly don’t think I could’ve done it. My husband was pretty great, but he felt bad for me and kept reverting to “poor baby”. My doula looked me straight in the face and told me that I could do it, I had to do it, it was going to be over when I made it over with big hard pushes.

So, I did BIG BIG pushes!

Patience was born at 10:31 pm and Cash was born at 10:36 pm. It took me less than half an hour to push them both out. The doctor did “go in” to position Cash and while it was not pleasant, I was so preoccupied with trying to get a glimpse of Patience with the NICU team that I didn’t really pay attention until it was time to push again.

I found out that when you deliver in the OR (c section or not) the same protocol is always followed, so I didn’t get to hold or touch my babies until after the NICU staff was done. Then they were brought over already swaddled to rub noses with me very briefly. Then Chad and the twins left the OR and the doula stayed behind with me while the doctor took care of all the afterbirth type stuff.
She asked if I wanted to see my placenta, “ummmm… No”.

When I was taken back to our labor room the babies were under the heat lamp and receiving antibiotic injections because of the fever I had had through out the day. My in laws, mother, and best friend were all in the room and got to see/inspect the babies before I did. The nurses finished weighing and measuring Cash first and I finally got to hold him for some skin to skin time and I was SO happy and amazed that this little 6lb miracle was mine. Chad had skin to skin with Patience and watching him hold her made me cry.

So that’s it. That is my birth story. It is long, but it’s honest. I didn’t have a magical spiritual experience. I had a slow labor, made decisions that I wish I could take back, cried and screamed like a baby, and had pretty much nothing go the way I wanted. I know that a lot of women experience sadness/embarrassment after veering from their birth plans… and I probably would too, but I got 2 babies! Nothing is ever going to go the way I plan or want it to ever again! I’m going to mess up and second guess myself everyday. Why not start on the day they were born?

Xoxoxo- Piggy

On the way to the hospital in the wee hours of Friday the 13th I called my doctor to give her a heads up and so she could let the triage nurse know that I was coming.

By this time I am barely talking through my contractions and was already frustrated with the husband for saying “poor baby” every time one hit. Once we pulled into the parking structure I again was vurping and shaky- wow! Maybe all that prodromal labor had paid off and this was going to be the speedy delivery that I had been hoping for! Hahahahaha! Nooo.

When we got to L&D Triage there was a bed waiting for me since my doctor had called ahead. I changed into my gown (the nurse made me take of my bra even though the other times I’d been there they let me leave on), was strapped up to the monitors, and answered all the same questions. After about 20 minutes the nurse announced that I was in fact in labor (duh), and made the decision to check me. Alright! I totally was going to be a 6 or 7… Nooooo! 3.. I was at a 3. I had been at 3 since that Tuesday! I had been in active labor for about 6 hours and made no progress at all. Lame.

So I walked circles around the maternity floor. After about half an hour I needed to rest and while I was sitting in the triage bed my doctor popped her head in and offered to strip my membranes (ouch, no thank you) and promised me labor room even though I hadn’t shown any progression to move into one. This made the almighty triage nurse hate my guts. I shit you not. She refused to give me a room even though it had been ordered by a doctor saying that there were no nurses to assign to me. So back I go to walking. Stoping with every contraction to lean against something and sway back and forth a bit. After another 30 minutes my doctor called the charge nurse to ask why I wasn’t in a room yet and what do you know? I had a room and a nurse! The triage nurse actually came in and mumbled as she threw my monitor cords in the bed. She was angry but she wasn’t my problem anymore!

I was in my labor room for about 3 or four hours or so with a useless (too small and under pumped) birthing ball, since someone had told us not to bother bringing our own since the hospital had some. When we noticed that Baby Girl’s heart rate started going in and out of distress. The nurses couldn’t figure out if it was because she was so low they couldn’t get a read on her or if her HR was actually dropping. This meant that they a) wanted to check me again to see if we were getting close b) have me flat on my back to relieve stress off the baby. So they checked me. I was a 4 after about 12 hours total I progressed one fucking cm. After about 20 minutes of contractions flat on my back thinking about how long this was going to last I decided to get the epidural way way way ahead of schedule an NO ONE was going to talk me out of it.

You see, the plan was to get the epidural around 7 cm that way when it came time for delivery it would be in place to change to a spinal if I needed an emergency C-section and it would be in place if I didn’t need one but the doctor had to reach in and grab baby boy to be delivered breech. The reason that the plan was to wait until 7 was to not slow the dilation process, as well as decreasing the chances of the damn thing wearing off before crunch time.

Well the guy came in got ready to stab me in the spine, and I almost chickened out and jumped off the table 3 times! I mean, he was going to put a needle IN MY SPINE, then thread rubber tubing through it. Scary! But I was exhausted, not thinking clearly, and pretty much over the whole “giving birth” thing. Now depending on how long/closely you have been following this blog you will know that I was worried about an epidural triggering my auto immune disorder, and it turns out I was right to be worried. I almost instantly broke out in a rash on my face as well as a 100.3 fever. Oh, and my body fought off the epidural (plus 2 pep ups) so it worked long enough to let me get some much needed sleep but that’s about it. I really did need the sleep though, it had been almost 2 weeks of sleep instituted by constant contractions.

Anywho, I have to stop here for now to wrap up feeding time and change some diapers.

I hope everyone is doing well and I am excited about a lot of updates I have been seeing!

xoxo- Piggy Von Ninja

Seriously, after labor I don’t think that I will ever hear that song the same way again, but I will get to that later. I justed wanted to hook your attention early on since my labor was long. I’m not even including all that prodromal labor that I had been bitching about recently.

Last Thursday I noticed that my lower back was a little more achey than I had been getting used to, but I got up and dressed to run a few errands with my mom. When we got to the great place known as Target so I could grab a few quick items I had an unexplainable urge to buy ALL the things! I mean my cart was stocked with groceries that are easy to prepare, and just make life easier. Mind you this entire time I am still having contractions between 3-8 minutes apart so people in Target (and Anthropologie) were staring at me afraid I was going to drop a baby right then and there.

I got home, pulled out and turned on the crock pot to make dinner for the in laws- then just threw the perishables into the fridge so I could take a bath and lay down. I didn’t feel like I was in any “more” labor than I had been for sometime, I just felt different. Like the past wek and a half of barely any sleep and constant contractions had transformed me into a ball of nerves and sore muscles. Husband of course was super swamped at work so I just laid in bed watching TV. After all the late night “almost labor” experiences I had I was reluctant to bother both the husband and the doula, although I did text Jeni (doula) to let her know that I felt.. different.

By 11 pm husband was home and I was pretty sure that active labor had commenced. At midnight I finally mentioned it to Chad and told him that my back was very achey so he put a seat in the shower for me to sit in and let the water massage my back. After a little while of that we decided to try our best to try and rest until it felt like time to call Jeni. I think that Chad was secretly hoping that the contractions would subside since he had a very busy working weekend. Yeah well.. That didn’t happen.

Around 2:30 I shot out of bed. Things were starting to get intense. We phoned Jeni and I sat on my birthing ball (which has now been demoted back down to exercise ball). I sat rocking back and forth watching Sixteen Candles while Chad ran around the house trying to figure out what to do about work and covering the passenger seat of the car with a trash bag and towels. My contractions were coming 2.5 minutes apart, I was getting the shakes, and kept “vurping”. Time to go!

TBC…

Xoxoxo- Piggy Von Ninja

*This is being released in installments because I am to distracted to write it all at once.

1 week and 5 days… That is how far past the average twin gestation period I have made it. To be completely honest I can see how so many twins come right around 35 weeks! I think the body just kind of gives out and can’t hold them in any longer, kaput! Fin! All done!

1 week and 2 days- that is how long I have been in prodromal labor (it usually last 3-4 days, for those who experience it at all). To be completely honest, it totally blows. I already feel how women describe the days following child birth… like I have been hit by a truck. As of my doctor’s appointment yesterday my contractions are coming anywhere from 3-10 minutes apart (holy sore uterus and back Batman!), I am pretty much totally effaced (pressure!!!), and my water bag is bulging (I am glued to either my husband or mother at this point).

Actual labor hasn’t even started yet and what little birth plan I had is completely out the window already! The chances of my water breaking early on is very high now, meaning that I would have to head directly to the hospital and be more closely monitored rather than stay at home until the transition period of labor. Oh, and even if that didn’t happen my in-laws (whom are awesome and I love) are now at my house because the husband had them plan their trip for now instead of just waiting to see when the babies actually came. So the relaxed private home environment for early and active labor is totally busted. Pretty much the only shred left of my birth plan is that a C-section is still a last resort. After talking about it with my doctor we both realize that an epidural will most likely be needed to avoid a C-section, and really with as exhausted as I am before actual labor I am starting to become more ok with that. Anywho, there is a very good chance that the doctor will have to actually reach on up into my uterus to deliver the 2nd baby breech or position them head first for pushing. That would probably kill me with out an epidural, which means that they would have to put me under general anesthesia for an emergency C-section. We shall see, we shall see..

There are 101 things going wrong in 10 different areas right now, and I have started to feel overwhelmed, over emotional, and completely freaked out. Not to mention familiar feelings of having an inadequate body creeping up on me. “Why can’t I just get pregnant like everyone else?” “Why do I have to pump myself full of injections just to stay pregnant?” to “Why can’t I just be average?” “Why can’t I just have a ‘normal’ labor experience like most women” “Why the fuck can’t people stop commenting about how ‘I still haven’t had the twins’” “Why won’t my cervix just relax damn it!!!” … it is interesting how actually getting/being pregnant doesn’t take away your experience/life as an infertile. The more that I have thought of that the past 2 days the more I have also thought about how the Universe is always trying to teach us things whether we want to learn them or not.

Having any semblance of control taken out of my hands at this point is reminding me a lot of how I felt during all the infertility treatments and procedures in the spring of last year. If I feel any different at all, I would say that I feel less freaked out by the thought of having to just “go with the flow” and waiting to see what happens. I guess the Universe in all her wisdom is using this time to give me a little refresher course on not being a control freak and ugly crying at every little thing that I can’t control. What I can control is my attitude (for the most part anyway) right now. I don’t have to feel negatively about myself! I can choose to think that I am just very good at being pregnant, rather than think that my body keeps stalling out on labor. I can choose to think of how healthy and strong my twins are instead of how weak,exhausted, and miserable my body feels. 

I have decided that the next time someone, anyone decides to tell me about how as soon as they started with contractions they went to the hospital and had a baby 6  hours later I am just going to respond with “Well I just must be much better at being pregnant than you”. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t wish my past week on anyone (well mayyybe a few people) but I am getting really sick of people telling me their stories and then acting like something is wrong with me because I am not exactly the same as them. Everybody is different. My doctor says I am fine. My doula is keeping an extra close eye on me, and is in constant contact. Am I uncomfortable? Yes! Am I ready for this to be over? Yes! Do I want unnecessary medical intervention to make myself feel better? Well, not right now.. but let’s talk about it in a couple of days after I am 37 weeks and the babies are considered full term. 

In other news- other than the above mentioned pregnancy symptoms I have only developed 2 new ones. One is the pregnancy rage that so many women talk about, although this could be attributed to a severe lack of sleep, and the 2nd would be the return of the never ending hunger! The hunger is due to 2 things I have been informed- the babies are so low my stomach has room for food, and I am burning tons of calories with all the non stop contractions! Which means that my weight has finally maxed out at drumroll please….. 195lbs! Holy Moly! That puts me around a 55 or 60lb weight gain- which really isn’t too bad for twins, but let me tell ya! My feet and knees feel it! 

 I know that this was a weird contradictory update, but I am very tired and getting ready to soak in an epsom salt bath for my achey back! 

I hope everyone is doing well and I am looking forward to seeing some birth announcements very soon! 

xoxo- Piggy Von (not so much anymore)Ninja

I am a few days into my 36th week, but have been in prodromal labor (http://childbirthsolutions.com/articles/what-happens-during-labor/) since Monday evening..
We are very happy that the twins are getting a chance to put on more weight, but starting to get a little worried about whether or not I will be exhausted before the active labor even starts.
We are just hanging in there to see what happens.

Today is the 5th day of consistent contractions! And I still am not in full labor!
The contractions themselves are not very intense (although they are more so today), however at this point my body is fatigued and sore from them.
Today’s doctor’s appointment showed a steady pattern of contractions, and we also found out that I am pretty much fully effaced. So thank heavens that something is going on down there. I am a tight 3cm dilated - that is nothing! Or it feels like nothing to show for 5 days of contractions every 10 minutes.
Have I mentioned that the doctor was honestly surprised that I didn’t deliver the twins on Tuesday or Wednesday? So, you can understand that I didn’t get too excited when she said that the babies could come today…
I followed up the Obgyn torture with a visit to the acupuncturist - which was much more enjoyable. She was able to release some of the tension from my back as well as hit a few “labor points” to try and get things to pick up a little more.
Now I am home trying to get a handle on some precious sleep wishing that I could just toss back a big glass of wine!

Hope everyone is enjoying their Friday ;)

-Piggy

P.s. TMI alert: plug and bloody show have both made appearances. We are pretty much just waiting on the babies.