Seriously.

And this day will not end.

Send help! 

I’ll be not working at my desk.

And it was pretty much just an exercise of getting up and out of the house without waking up both babies.

I forgot that there is some amateur boxing stuff happening on the property today so the gym was over run. I did some Pilates stuff (yay for youtube on iphones!) on a floor mat for about 20 minutes and then just went back home. It was just nuts. At least I tried right?

Apparently I have a reversed version of body dis-morphia today as well. I actually had time to do my hair and put on an outfit that I think is super cute and flattering. However, when I asked the hubs to take a photo of me to send to my hairrr did girlfriend I discovered that I look like a fat troll. But, in the bathroom mirror at work I still think I look good. Whatevs, I’ll just assume that something is seriously wrong with my phone camera and that I look fabu. 

I think that my pointless visit to the gym was a sign. The lawd is testing me guys. I am about to go full on hulk smash on some people here at the office.

This post has come to you courtesy of my employment responsibilities.

I woke up for hot yoga, but got cancelled on so I went to the gym instead. I don’t know how much longer that is going to last though since I am so flipping tired. I’m not sleeping at home though, so there isn’t a whole lot of difference. Also, Chad says that the babies wake up and cry the instant that I walk out the door, and you know, apparently I am the only one who can keep them both from crying at the same time.

No matter how much I looked I couldn’t find a pair of control top undies. I am wondering if the sock gnome also has a penchant for shape wear? 

Oh, when I got home from the gym the backs of my sneakers were covered in blood. So I’ve got big raw spots on the back of my feet.

I was late to work because I couldn’t stop playing with the babies, they are in the best mood around 8 am.

I am going to have Vietnamese food for lunch.

Also, I managed to get most of my actual work done already so be prepared for pointless posts such as the one you have just finished reading.

I have a dry erase board in my office where I used to write my weekly to do list and such. These days it is filled up with passwords that I always forget and a note from my 10 year old cousin telling me to have a nice day at work.

About halfway through yesterday I noticed that on the top of the board there was a new note:

Hi Alexis glad to see that your doing so well - M*** S*****

So I am like, who is M.S.? Maybe one of the IT guys? Well no, I have seen them all since I have been back from leave and they probably wouldn’t leave a note. So maybe it is another employee that I just can’t remember? There are about 1,000 people working here, but only 20 going in and out of this building. As I am asking if anyone knows who M.S. is I am still thinking that it is pretty weird that someone would pop into my office and leave a note. We have email and interoffice memos and such.

Just as I was heading home yesterday afternoon I asked the director of tribal affairs if he knew who the guy was, since he knows everyone. He didn’t know an M.S. though. So I showed him the note in my office and asked if anyone had been looking for me on Friday, since I wasn’t in that day. He said, “No, but we did have an outside company come in and clear all the vents and ducts this weekend”.

So just as I am seriously skeeving out he makes a joke “Oh it’s not an ex boyfriend is it?”

It is a guy that I used to hook up with when I was 17 or 18 years old.

In. My. Private. Office. In my office long enough to figure out that it was mine and leave a note.

What the freaking fuck? Are you kidding me?

So tired. So so tired. Like, miss the days that I used to be a party girl and pop ADD pills tired.

To top it off, it is already “one of those days”.

I have been receiving emails about someone else dropping the ball while I was on maternity leave since before I got into the office this morning. WTH people? I manage to do my individual work, attending meetings, pump, gossip, AND tumble. Pull it together.

Is this day over yet?

Is putting on my shoes!!! I have missed my little loves so much! I was able to wear most pairs up until the beginning of my 7th month, so we have been apart for quite a while now.

I just thought that I would throw up a few quick pictures of what I have been wearing to go into the office. I am a fan of bright colors and prints obviously. 

Dressing my after baby bod is weird for a few reasons:

1. I still have to loose 12lbs or so to get back to my original weight, and honestly I think my clothes still wouldn’t fit because my hips are wider and my boobs are filled with milk.

2. I have 4 skirts on rotation because I don’t want to buy more and then stop trying to loose the above mentioned 12lbs.

3. Everything I wear has to be easy-ish to pump in.

4. I only have about 25 minutes to get ready and leave the house after the nanny arrives.

How are the rest of you working mamas doing? Is anyone else kind of excited to have a reason to actually get dressed? Anyone else have to buy new clothes to wear back to work??

I haven’t been to the breast feeding clinic in 3 weeks and I am starting to get frustrated.

I don’t really have the warm fuzzy feelings over breast feeding that it seems most women have, so the weekly support and inspiration of the weekly clinic really makes a difference for me. Seeing the women with older babies proves to me that I can keep going, and seeing the women with the brand new babies makes me thankful that the hellish early weeks are over. The crazy part is, I don’t even exclusively breast feed! 

Now that I am at work the twins are getting tons of formula throughout the day since I am pumping 7-9 ounces at most. Most days I am only able to pump 2 times. I can’t exactly walk out of meetings and come back half an hour later. Irregular pumping combined with stress are really starting to fuck with my supply. Most evenings now I am putting the twins to empty boobs and having them “nurse” (aka get really frustrated and irritable) just to try and bump my supply back up. 

Then there is the fact that I am totally a bad BF mom- drinking more than the “one or two” caffeinated beverages a day. I need that much just to be alive for my 10 o clock meetings. I do try to time the pumping to limit the amount of caffeine though. I cut myself off by 2 pm so when I get home and can nurse I’m not getting the babies all wired up. I don’t know.. How do breast feeding moms live with little to no caffeine? If I could I would have it injected directly into my bloodstream, by the way, did you know that some hospitals will put caffeine in your IV to cancel out any withdrawal symptoms while trying to diagnose?  

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to stop breast feeding (well sometimes I do). Not because I feel “so bonded” while doing it though. I want to keep at it because it is one of the only things that I can do to keep both babies from crying all the time. Also, nursing in the middle of the night is pretty much how I am able to get sleep. The babies don’t wake up at the same times during the night so I am able to lay down and sleep while one nurses, then I put them back in their rocker and lay down to sleep while the other one nurses, continuously switching throughout the night. Some nights (like last night) they will both wake up at the same time, and I used to sit up and nurse them both and put them both back down at the same time- now that I need to function at work though I just can’t loose the hour and a half. One baby gets to nurse and one baby gets a bottle feed from Chad. In the middle of the night it is heaven to not have to get up, but later in the day I feel guilty. Guilty guilty guilty. 

Blah. I have already decided that I am calling out on Wednesday so that I can take the babies to the clinic. I will get to talk to and be around lots of breast feeding mamas. The moral support always makes me feel better and less frustrated. I will also get to weigh the babies which is always exciting! I am betting that they are about 11 and a half pounds now… I will get to spend the rest of the day hanging out with the twins while the nanny is at the house, which is the BEST! I get to spend time playing and giving attention the each baby individually. I might even squeeze a baby free nap into the day as well. 

Ahhhh… I feel better just thinking about Wednesday.